How to: Prevent Toddler Tantrums
Hi all,
Happy Friday!
I was thinking about how Sophia's behavior has improved over the last month and after venting to you with my "The Meltdown" post, I wanted to share a few tips with you.
I'm not saying my technique is the golden formula to prevent tantrums, by all means, but it works very well with Sophia and I guess every Mom could give it a try.
First thing you have to know, that I also didn't know, is: Tantrums and Meltdowns are two very different things! Shortly after Sophia started to have the meltdowns, I started researching and reading some posts about it. This one was the most helpful.
So basically, here is the difference:
Tantrum: Has a purpose
Meltdown: Has no purpose
Since my meltdown post, we have had various tantrum attempts and one more meltdown.
Tantrums are much easier to control or in this case even to prevent. Meltdowns on the other hand, are like a high five...in your face...with a chair!
Meaning: She is over-concentrating/over-reacting on/over something.
Here is what I do: I take her mind off the topic! I make her focus on something completely different.
Example: She really wanted to put her sunglasses on at 8pm the other evening. Just before bed time, she suddenly remembered her fricking sunglasses...she hasn't seen them since summer FFS, how did she even think of that? Anyhow...Here is the conversation:
S: I want to put my sunglasses on
M: I don't know where they are sweetie and it's dark you don't need them
S: (she gets louder) But I want my sunglasses, I want them...I really do!
At this point she is already walking nervously back and forth...I know, it's about to go down.
I need to choose my next words really carefully. Her favorite show is playing on the TV and they are constructing some kind of tower, so I decide, that's going to be my move:
M: Oh my...look at that, what are they constructing?
S: (not very impressed) A Tower
M: What color is it going to be?
S: (a little interested) Red, yellow, blue
M: Wow, that's amazing. How are they (the characters of the show) called again?
S: (really motivated)That's Frank, Matt and Charlie
Basically, I come up with questions she can answer and she can feel proud of answering. Two things happen: She experiences a moment of proud- and happiness and most importantly she forgets about the thing she was starting to obsess about. It doesn't work as easily every time. I have to come up with a different distraction plan every time. But basically the method is to change the scene and make the child take their focus away from the tantrum's purpose. Also timing is crucial with this method. Sometimes it's just too late. When the crying has already started, the method is not as easily applied. It still works but she needs much more convincing.
Try to be fun about it, that's a surprise to them and something they might not expect. Sometimes instead of asking questions I start a tickle or pillow fight. Works very well if you are at home. If you are in the car or in the store, the "take their mind of the topic with something else", works best.
At the end of the day, tantrums are not always avoidable and that's alright. The child learns from a tantrum. You can always have a conversation after and talk it out. Children understand and will learn valuable lessons. Sorry parents...we all have to go through it!
Hope this was helpful in some kind of way.
Let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments! I would love for you to share your stories and advice with me.
Have a great weekend!!
xoxo,
Jeny
Happy Friday!
I was thinking about how Sophia's behavior has improved over the last month and after venting to you with my "The Meltdown" post, I wanted to share a few tips with you.
I'm not saying my technique is the golden formula to prevent tantrums, by all means, but it works very well with Sophia and I guess every Mom could give it a try.
First thing you have to know, that I also didn't know, is: Tantrums and Meltdowns are two very different things! Shortly after Sophia started to have the meltdowns, I started researching and reading some posts about it. This one was the most helpful.
So basically, here is the difference:
Tantrum: Has a purpose
- Child wants to achieve something by throwing a tantrum (Have some chocolate)
Meltdown: Has no purpose
- Child is overwhelmed by situation due to various factors (tiredness, hunger, sadness)
- Its an over-stimulation of the brain where the child does not have control of their behavior
Since my meltdown post, we have had various tantrum attempts and one more meltdown.
Tantrums are much easier to control or in this case even to prevent. Meltdowns on the other hand, are like a high five...in your face...with a chair!
My method to prevent tantrums
Every child starts to tantrum differently but all have a pattern. You need to get to know your child's pattern. That's 90% of the prevention already. Some kids start crying, some screaming, some refuse to continue walking, some just lay on the floor and some just start arguing with you: "But I want to...I WANT TO, I WANT TO..." That's Sophia! I would call her: "The stubborn tantrum-thrower". She is so stubborn...so stubborn, I can't even put it into words.How it starts
She has her mind set on something...chocolate, putting on sunglasses before going to bed, flushing the toilet after I "accidentally" flushed for her, the banana has a brown spot so it needs to be thrown away and a new banana needs to peeled....those are just a few examples.Meaning: She is over-concentrating/over-reacting on/over something.
Taking action IMMEDIATELY
That's the moment, you have to break the chain-reaction right there...if you start arguing or contributing to the child's overreaction, it will be too late. Tears will flow, screaming will start and so on...Here is what I do: I take her mind off the topic! I make her focus on something completely different.
Example: She really wanted to put her sunglasses on at 8pm the other evening. Just before bed time, she suddenly remembered her fricking sunglasses...she hasn't seen them since summer FFS, how did she even think of that? Anyhow...Here is the conversation:
S: I want to put my sunglasses on
M: I don't know where they are sweetie and it's dark you don't need them
S: (she gets louder) But I want my sunglasses, I want them...I really do!
At this point she is already walking nervously back and forth...I know, it's about to go down.
I need to choose my next words really carefully. Her favorite show is playing on the TV and they are constructing some kind of tower, so I decide, that's going to be my move:
M: Oh my...look at that, what are they constructing?
S: (not very impressed) A Tower
M: What color is it going to be?
S: (a little interested) Red, yellow, blue
M: Wow, that's amazing. How are they (the characters of the show) called again?
S: (really motivated)That's Frank, Matt and Charlie
Basically, I come up with questions she can answer and she can feel proud of answering. Two things happen: She experiences a moment of proud- and happiness and most importantly she forgets about the thing she was starting to obsess about. It doesn't work as easily every time. I have to come up with a different distraction plan every time. But basically the method is to change the scene and make the child take their focus away from the tantrum's purpose. Also timing is crucial with this method. Sometimes it's just too late. When the crying has already started, the method is not as easily applied. It still works but she needs much more convincing.
Try to be fun about it, that's a surprise to them and something they might not expect. Sometimes instead of asking questions I start a tickle or pillow fight. Works very well if you are at home. If you are in the car or in the store, the "take their mind of the topic with something else", works best.
At the end of the day, tantrums are not always avoidable and that's alright. The child learns from a tantrum. You can always have a conversation after and talk it out. Children understand and will learn valuable lessons. Sorry parents...we all have to go through it!
Hope this was helpful in some kind of way.
Let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments! I would love for you to share your stories and advice with me.
Have a great weekend!!
xoxo,
Jeny
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